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Xmas is almost here, again!

I can’t wait to have my two weeks vacation! Five days more of work and then I am done working this year. This upcoming Friday I have my office’s Xmas party that I won’t miss for the world. I worked too much lately and I definitely need a good party to relax and unwind for the holidays.

Unlike the previous years, I did not do any Xmas preparations. I did not even bother to put up the lights on the house or bring up from the basement the Christmas tree. My wife had mention it a few times but I didn't do it. I imagined that if I will be home as of the following week, I will have all the time in the world to do the groceries, install the tree, put the decorations on it with the kids and go shopping for presents.

To be honest my mind was somewhere else. Ever since my sister got sick and we don’t know exactly what is going to happen to her, I don’t even feel like celebrating anything. It feels unfair towards her. I know I am not responsible for her illness, but it does not prevent me from experiencing a feeling of guilty.

I did not talk about it with my wife, as she would try to analyze me. I don’t want her to treat me as one of her patients. I need time to process my thoughts and see what can I do for my little sister. I am hoping, praying and keeping my fingers crossed, wishing that somehow a miracle will happen and she will get her transplant faster.

My daughters asked me why their aunty was not coming over to see them anymore, but I was not able to tell her the truth. They love her a lot and the news would have been devastating for them. Instead of telling the truth, I created a little story for them. I told them that she got a job abroad and she had to move right away, but she would return during next summer.

Since the accident, they have seen her once on Skype and that only for a short few minutes. They were happy to see her. During their conversation, I was right behind the computer’s camera, in the hospital room, whispering to my sister to finish off the video call before she was bursting into tears. It would have been more difficult to explain to my girls why their aunty was crying. They would not have believe me that she fell down and got hurt after her free fitness class.

 

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